KINDNESS AS CURRENCY

(Image courtesy of Pixabay, Annie Spratt)

Given the scope and scale of all that is happening across the globe in recent days, this writing and experience may seem small and inconsequential in comparison.

It is.

But this essay is also an attempt to document how separations begin. How, no matter what challenges are set before us; we are obliged to respond in ways that support the health and wellbeing of everyone. Even as I say this, I wince, because I do not always respond to situations as well as I should or could. Upon reflection, I know I could have managed my response to what I am about to share with you better.

Here’s the story:

So, there I was, in my favorite section of the ReStore — of any ReStore. I was blissfully tucked away in the corner reserved for books.

Given that I now wear trifocals, I must take time to scan titles — whether tilted, buried, stacked sideways, and almost always out of alphabetical or subjective order, I have to squint, tip my head, lean in, lean out, bend. You get the picture.

It’s a process best reserved for a gymnast but one in which I am now comfortably familiar. I have also grown more at ease with others who share the same passion and the same requirement to torque their bodies into any number of positions to peruse the book shelves. I sometimes chat with other ReStore book lovers about what each of us likes to read. We share titles, authors, subjects and recommendations.

As much as that’s enjoyable, the challenge with any of these ReStore book aisles is that no one can easily navigate the space when others are present. It’s tight. The book section is almost always located in a back corner of the store. One is required to have patience.

This is not an intentional slight directed toward the management. It’s just that the design, layout, and care of the space and inventory at any of these stores is limited. Managing ourselves in these spaces is, therefore, determined by the way in which we naturally and necessarily browse.

I have grown more at ease with others who share the same passion and the same requirement to torque their bodies into any number of positions to peruse the book shelves.

My practice is to not crowd other browsers or make them feel as if they must move down the row to the cook book section — or worse, to the dozens of discarded titles on crocheting which has sadly always been beyond my modest abilities, and by the looks of the ample selection there, the abilities or interests of other book lovers. If I am blocking someone’s view, I’ll stand back and let them pass.

So, there I was, blissfully assessing a plethora of John Grisham titles in hopes of finding something a bit more esoteric — a first edition de Tocqueville, perhaps. Okay, that’s not likely to happen but I have purchased, read, collected, and gifted many wonderful books of all kinds from secondhand bookstores. It has become one of my favorite things to do in my spare time.

That is until last week.

There I was, standing with my back to a bookcase perusing the nonfiction section. There really is no other way to look at books on a bookshelf. You have to stand back and look forward. You do take up space. But I am sensitive to anyone who also arrives in the same section of the store with the same desire in mind. Without hesitation, I will back up, step sideways, or do whatever I can to make room for another reader.

Unfortunately, on this particular day, the person who arrived minutes after me had no intention of sharing space. He proceeded to berate me loudly and in front of other customers for standing in the aisle. Worse, he took issue with me using a shopping cart. Hmmnh… It is a store and most stores do provide shopping carts for patrons. And, for me, having had recent knee surgery, the cart also provided a brace to lean against.

But understandably, there was no way for this person to know of my temporary but clearly limited mobility. In his mind, I was taking up space to which I was not entitled. In the momentary pause that transpired for me to recognize his upset, I stepped back as quickly as I could in order to move the cart completely out of his way.

I loathe taking up shared space for any reason and when this man with the polar-ice-cap-sized chip on his shoulder walked past, commenting loudly about my offense; I immediately said, and with all sincerity, “Oh! I’m sorry. Excuse me,” moved the cart tightly against the bookcase, and backed up further so he could pass by. To this effort he loudly exclaimed, “Hey Karen, this isn’t your private aisle.”

He called me Karen at least seven more times among the many additional insults he hurled in my direction and then proceeded to take over the space physically, vocally, and emotionally. He was deliberately threatening but I was not willing to be verbally harassed or insulted without asserting that he had no right to do so. I spoke up. I asked him to stop calling me names which he took as an invitation to utter the name “Karen” another half dozen times. It was clearly not safe for me to remain there any longer, so I left.

Sadly, there were two other men browsing at opposite ends of the same aisle; neither of whom he took issue with and neither of whom spoke up in my defense despite us having shared the space without incident prior to the soldier of fortune’s arrival. Even as women have become more confident and forthright about speaking up for ourselves; we do still benefit from men who are willing to also speak up on our behalf. It is your alliance that we appreciate. I was sad to know that it was not about to be given.

On a good note, the store’s cashier was very kind, apologetic, and reassuring. This young man was offended to know that a customer was treated so poorly. He assured me that he would address the incident with the store manager. I thanked him for his kindness and exited the store a little less ruffled.

To the man whose belligerence and aggression dominated what had, up until that time, always been a pleasant shopping experience; I send, as sincerely as I can, a wish for peace and wellbeing.

And to everyone called “Karen”: while there are those among us of any multitude of names and gender who function as entitled, self-centered, egocentric individuals, selfish behavior is not limited to women. I thought about giving this guy a fictitious name as well, but upon reflection, realized that whatever name I would denigrate him with was also the name of someone I likely knew, admired, and cared about. So, he will remain anonymous.

Small indiscretions or perceived indiscretions need not become excuses to threaten, belittle or insult. We are living in a time when grace and kindness seem to be luxuries we can’t afford. They may, however, be the only currency that will resolve the debt caused by our sense of entitlement. I’m working on how to demonstrate those virtues more confidently and consistently. Your guidance is always welcome.

For now, I’ll continue to move my shopping cart to create more space for others.

There’s room for both, no, all of us. There always has been.